The "NO" dilemma
The “NO” dilemma:
I have a problem with telling people “no,” and when I do, it doesn’t stick. I am an easy going, soft hearted pushover. It must be written all over me. Here are some examples of what I am talking about:
“The hinter” Last Friday a co-worker comes into my office – “Are you going to leave the building anytime soon?” I say “no.” She says “I forgot to bring my Pepsi today and I really need to have it.” I say nothing. She leaves and comes back – “I don’t know what I’m going to do without my Pepsi,” (you see it’s early morning and she only has about 20 minutes for lunch and is an employee for the school system. I am employed by the organization and have a longer more flexible lunch break and can leave whenever. I made a small comment and went on with my work. After about three or four more visits to my office, hinting again, I finally gave in and said – “do you want me to go get one for you?” “Oh I don’t want you to have to make an extra trip, only if you are planning to leave the building.” (I have already told her I wasn’t leaving the building). Back again for another visit – “I really need my Pepsi.” Again I say "do you want me to go get it?" “Are you sure?” I said “yes,” “oh thank you, please get me a big mouth diet Pepsi.” So here I go with the word “sucker” written all over my face.
The “I need help” person. I am at my desk typing or transcribing, etc. Someone comes to the copy machine and starts to have trouble – jams, etc. “Oh, this thing is not acting right.” (I pay no attention because I am thinking they can handle it themselves). They continue to try and copy, all the while complaining out loud until finally, I get up and help them – easy enough.
The “What part of “no” do you not understand?” person. There is a guy in the office who likes to bring coupons for all to share. He asked if I would separate them in date order and put them in a box and into the teachers’ lounge. I agreed (I was having some down time). After a while, my work started to pile up and I tell him I can’t do this anymore – he’s alright with it. However, every week when I come to work, there are still coupons on my desk to be sorted. “Remember, I said I don’t have time to do this anymore?” “Yes, I remember.” Guess what? The coupons are still coming with his comment, “more coupons for you.”
“The “Guilt Trip on myself”: The phone rings – “Hello grandma” “Hi – how are you?” “Fine, my granddaughter stated.” We have a short conversation then on to the question.
Grandma could you help me pay for the rest of my prom dress?” When do you need the money?” I have to have it by Monday?” “I’m sorry, I’m broke – have to make my house payment.” “She lingers a bit in disappointment and says “okay.” I get off of the phone and am visited by Mr. Guilt. “Well I think – her birthday just passed and I haven’t gotten her anything yet. Phone call to Granddaughter: “Hi Jheris” She says “Hi Grandma in her sweet way.” “I just remembered I still owe you some money for your birthday – I will give it to you tomorrow.” “Thanks Grandma.” (She knows I’m a pushover for her). .
I have a problem with telling people “no,” and when I do, it doesn’t stick. I am an easy going, soft hearted pushover. It must be written all over me. Here are some examples of what I am talking about:
“The hinter” Last Friday a co-worker comes into my office – “Are you going to leave the building anytime soon?” I say “no.” She says “I forgot to bring my Pepsi today and I really need to have it.” I say nothing. She leaves and comes back – “I don’t know what I’m going to do without my Pepsi,” (you see it’s early morning and she only has about 20 minutes for lunch and is an employee for the school system. I am employed by the organization and have a longer more flexible lunch break and can leave whenever. I made a small comment and went on with my work. After about three or four more visits to my office, hinting again, I finally gave in and said – “do you want me to go get one for you?” “Oh I don’t want you to have to make an extra trip, only if you are planning to leave the building.” (I have already told her I wasn’t leaving the building). Back again for another visit – “I really need my Pepsi.” Again I say "do you want me to go get it?" “Are you sure?” I said “yes,” “oh thank you, please get me a big mouth diet Pepsi.” So here I go with the word “sucker” written all over my face.
The “I need help” person. I am at my desk typing or transcribing, etc. Someone comes to the copy machine and starts to have trouble – jams, etc. “Oh, this thing is not acting right.” (I pay no attention because I am thinking they can handle it themselves). They continue to try and copy, all the while complaining out loud until finally, I get up and help them – easy enough.
The “What part of “no” do you not understand?” person. There is a guy in the office who likes to bring coupons for all to share. He asked if I would separate them in date order and put them in a box and into the teachers’ lounge. I agreed (I was having some down time). After a while, my work started to pile up and I tell him I can’t do this anymore – he’s alright with it. However, every week when I come to work, there are still coupons on my desk to be sorted. “Remember, I said I don’t have time to do this anymore?” “Yes, I remember.” Guess what? The coupons are still coming with his comment, “more coupons for you.”
“The “Guilt Trip on myself”: The phone rings – “Hello grandma” “Hi – how are you?” “Fine, my granddaughter stated.” We have a short conversation then on to the question.
Grandma could you help me pay for the rest of my prom dress?” When do you need the money?” I have to have it by Monday?” “I’m sorry, I’m broke – have to make my house payment.” “She lingers a bit in disappointment and says “okay.” I get off of the phone and am visited by Mr. Guilt. “Well I think – her birthday just passed and I haven’t gotten her anything yet. Phone call to Granddaughter: “Hi Jheris” She says “Hi Grandma in her sweet way.” “I just remembered I still owe you some money for your birthday – I will give it to you tomorrow.” “Thanks Grandma.” (She knows I’m a pushover for her). .
posted by The Gig at 11:17 AM
4 Comments:
Cute cute cute post. Unfortunately, I can't relate because I'm a "No" girl myself. I "know" my limits. I don't want to walk around kicking myself for trying to please others, all the while displeasing my spirit, so I flat out say "no" if I can't or don't want to do something. Am I a bad person for this? A bad daughter? No. I'm a human who "knows" how to be real...honest! And as for sweet-spirited people like you, I don't take them for granted or advantage of you guys. I thank God for yall "mercy" on others. A gift that I've not been given. When it comes to the kids, the ole "No...because I said so," works fine!
Oh in that case. Could you move to Austin and babysit my son after school so I can send him to private Christian school, that gets out before me and the wife gets off work, so he won't have to grow up in a public school, around baggie-pant wearing, booty-thong flashing, foul-mouthed rappin', Easter Bunny worshiping pagans? Come on. Let's hear you say No!
I feel you on this one. I used to have problems saying 'no' to people. My husband helped me change that. He reminds me that everytime I say 'yes' I'm taking time away from him and Sidney.
Btw, I am indeed Seventh-day Adventist but I'm not an official deaconness. My husband got ordained as a deacon but that doesn't make me an active deaconness.
Thanks for your prayers.
It doesn't seem like you have the problem; it seems like everyone else has the problem with accepting you've said no.
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