"Deep Thoughts"

Early this morning I woke up and could not get back to sleep. What was in my thoughts? I was thinking about my cousin, "G" who died last Monday and how I found out yesterday he had already been cremated. My thoughts were on last Monday when I was at Hospice the night before he died. I guess you might say that I am livid because one day he is a living soul with a body and mind. I was able to talk to him and he was able to think and feel. I could look upon his face and see expressions, even though he was dying and it was absolutely horrible to see him that way, it was him in the flesh. Three days later, he is just ashes. I keep thinking about how one day you are living your life in your body and three days later you could be ashes, as though you never existed at all. I remember talking to him, kissing him on the forehead, brushing his hair back as I tried to say everything I wanted to say to him before he would pass away and I just cannot get over the fact that he's not him anymore.

I know this does not make much sense but to me, this is deep thinking. I have never experienced anything like I did last Monday. However, while I am typing, the Lord is helping me to understand because he brought to my mind that if he had never been cremated, "G" would still not exist anymore and would still not be a living being, but I guess the reality of my thinking is that at least there would be a body to prove that he was once here. I know that this is morbid, and probably doesn't make much sense but I just needed to vent and what better way to do it then on the blog, that way you could share your thoughts without bothering someone else that needs their sleep. I know that God will bring me through this like he does everything else and I must listen to my thoughts from Him.

Now I think about his siblings and how they were all at odds with each other and yet, now they have to come and bid him farewell without being able to make amends. How terrible that must be to be at odds with someone, never be reconciled and next thing you know they are gone. I can imagine how his four siblings must feel. There is one sister and you can say she's the backbone of the siblings. My cousin was angry with her for something she didn't do and she is the only one who was not at odds with any of her siblings. She is a believer and has Christ in her life. People cannot take God for granted; life is too short that is why while you still have a chance you should make peace with those you are at odds with, especially if are family. I must learn to listen to God and not trust my own thinking. Thanks for putting up with my morbid venting.