"Nice Guys Don't Finish Last, They Just Finish

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I have a problem saying “no” to people, and when I do, I usually cannot make it stick. It is because when a person asks something of me, it’s usually one of those requests that says to me (it’s something that HAS to be done, and if you don’t do it, it won’t get done); therefore, I feel compelled to do it.
A person who has been attending our church recently requested that I provide a ride for she and her son to Sabbath School each Saturday morning. Upon realizing that I teach a class and have to be there early, I decided that this was the Christian thing to do, after all, it would impress upon her to continue to come. The first time I was to pick her up, I arose early that morning and was ready in plenty of time to get her. I phoned her apartment several times and no one answered. I then went over there, telling myself that she and her son may be waiting outside for me. When I got there, they were not outside so I rang the buzzer and no one answered, so I went to church. Later on in the week I called her to find out what happened and she told me she was asleep and had forgotten. Thinking of my Spirituality, I decided that the Christian thing to do would be to just tell her we would try it the following week. I contacted her the following Sabbath and she informed me that she and another older member had been talking about me the night before. She explained to me that the older member was wanting to get to church earlier than the van could get her there so I was asked if I could pick her up also. The older member lives on one side of town, not too awfully far from me, and the newcomer lives on another. I reasoned with myself -- how can I refuse to get this lady when she desires to get to church earlier? If I don’t do it, no one else would and again, this is the Christian thing to do. I then proceeded to tell my friend that I would probably not be able to do it because it would throw me late and I have to be there at 9:30 a.m. to teach a class. She then told me that because I was such a “sweet and nice” person, they both thought it would be good to ask me. Later I ran into the older member, feeling guilty, I apologized that I couldn’t get her but would see if someone could. She then told me that the newcomer had told her the night before that “we have a ride now,” and guess who she said would pick her up? I often wonder why people always come to me with requests (usually those requests that are really not convenient). I got the answer first hand. I am running around with a smile on my face and the word “pushover” on the rest of me. It seems as though at church sometimes I show up on the scene just in time to be put on the spot, such as, I will be busy either getting ready for my class and either my dad or his wife will ask that I go home and get something important (that they just have to have). Even though I obliged, I explained to them that I cannot continue to do it. However, I have been asked over and over again to do this. Because his wife is an Elder at our church, she feels she cannot leave, therefore, it’s up to me.
After my mother died suddenly in a truck trailer accident ten years ago, I became an A number pushover for my dad. It’s almost as though people can read me “hey you, take advantage of me, I’ll do anything for anyone to make everyone but myself happy.” I lived in a sort of prison, being afraid to tell my dad “no” because if I ever said “no” to him, he may die and I would feel guilty. I never had a close relationship with him like I did my mom, but I quickly set out to make it up to him. Even though he did a lot of things in his life that were not acceptable, he continued on right after my mom passed away. I was constantly upset, but afraid to let him know because I didn’t want him to pass away if I disappointed him. He caught on and has run away with it. I continue to give in to him for the same reasons. I have tried in my own way to tell him that I love him but get bogged down with things he does. He apologizes, or acts as though he can’t remember and will turn around and repeat the same behaviors.
This morning, I had the privilege of talking to one of my grandchildren who told me that a former boyfriend of hers who treated her very badly and was unfaithful had explained to her that he treated her that way because she was gullible and too nice and put up with him and the awful things he did. Years ago, I had a very good friend who married a man whom she really loved. She was good to him, but he was not faithful and treated her badly. He said the reason was because she was too nice and gullible.
Now that you have put up with my whining -- I will end this conversation and thank you for reading me today.